If I Could Keep You Little...

I can't believe my little one is now three years old!!  Where does the time go?  I realized a couple weeks before her birthday that she had reached the age that Jackson was when she was born.  That may not mean much to most people, but for us (and particularly me) it's a milestone.  To many it sounds ridiculous to even think about, but this is strange territory for me.  I mean, Jackson was 15 months old when Josiah was born and Josiah was 21 months old (Jackson nearly 3) when Sadie was born.  In fact, we calculated not too long ago that I had been either pregnant and/or nursing from August 2004 until April 2010.  That's nearly six years!  (I can't even imagine how Mrs. Duggar feels.)  Besides all that, age three is the time a child can legitimately be considered a "preschooler".  Toddlerhood is definitely a thing of the past.  Now do you understand why I feel like I should be taking care of another newborn?

With motherhood, I feel like I'm in my element...that this is what I was born to be.  I know I'll always be a mother, even if my children leave this earth before I do (heaven forbid!), but they won't always need me like they have and like they do now.  Don't get me wrong.  I want my kids to grow up and accomplish new things, discover new things, become responsible adults.  Still, it's bittersweet.  Sometimes you just want to freeze time, you know?  When my kids were younger, their dependence could get on my nerves sometimes and seemingly come at the most inconvenient times.  I find myself missing those days.  They still depend on me for many things, but there's much more they can do for themselves now...and that's as it should be.

My parents gave me a children's book for Christmas last year called If I Could Keep You Little... .  I read it to the kids last night before bedtime and nearly cried.  So much of it speaks to our family personally.  I thought of Jackson, our singer and kindergarten reader.  I thought of Sadie, our fashionista.  I thought of Josiah, our cuddler who also requests peculiar ways to cut his peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.  They are growing up.  They are becoming who they were meant to be.  I cherish the past, relish in the present, and look forward to the future.  May God grant me the time to witness their transformation.  May God grant me the wisdom to know when to hold on...and when to let go.