Joy Comes In the Mourning

I got a little emotional during class Sunday morning as we discussed finding joy in our affliction.  We are studying the book of Isaiah, which I've really enjoyed.  It's not really the most uplifting book (overall) but there are great moments of hope to be found as well.  That's one of the many awesome things about God.  He never leaves us without any hope.  The people of Isaiah's day suffered many afflictions.  Many of them were of their own making.  Some were simply the product of living in a fallen world.  Either way, we would be wise to heed the warnings from Isaiah, learn from the mistakes of their time, and to remind ourselves that even in the midst of suffering and woe, God remains faithful to His people.  He will bring restoration.  He will make everything right.  He will bring atonement for us.

So, back to finding joy in our affliction...  You've probably heard the verse, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds..." (James 1:2).  Well, most of us don't.  Pure joy?  Come on, let's be real.  Pain and suffering hurt.  And we don't like to hurt...at least I know I don't.  But did you know that having joy is not the same thing as being happy?  You can have joy and be sad at the same time.  How?  I'll try to explain.

Noah Webster defines joy as "the passion or emotion excited by the acquisition or expectation of good; that excitement of pleasurable feelings which is caused by success, good fortune, the gratification of desire or some good possessed, or by a rational prospect of possessing what we love or desire; gladness; exultation; exhilaration of spirits. Joy is a delight of the mind, from the consideration of the present or assured approaching possession of a good." (emphasis mine)  Joy is an anticipation of something better, something good, something we desperately want.  It is a confident hope of what our heart most desires.

Today is my brother's birthday.  He would have been 32 years old.  Over three years have come and gone since his death.  I miss him so much.  I miss the sound of his voice, his laugh, his funny phrases like "That's messed up" or "Tighten up".  I'm pretty sure that if he had lived long enough to hear it, "yolo" would have been at the top of that list, too.  (For the older generation, that's short for "you only live once".)  I miss his hugs, as painful as they could be.  I remember one particular time when I hugged him upon seeing him for the first time after several months and it was like hugging a rock!  He was so muscular and strong.  He, on the other hand, probably felt like he was hugging a marshmallow. lol

So, today we have a birthday with no "birthday boy".  This is the fourth time we have endured it and I wonder how many more birthdays we will "celebrate" without him.  So this cycle will continue every year until Jesus returns or we die.    But what else can we do?  We wait.  We give thanks to God that Matt was born.  We give thanks to God for his life, for his influence, and for his heart.  We give thanks to God for His mercy, His forgiveness, His love.  We give thanks that because of His great love, He has given us an escape from despair, pain, and loss.  He is our Hope.  He is...you guessed it...our Joy.  So, today we celebrate Matt's life, earthly as well as eternally.  We wait expectantly for that glorious day when we will see him again face to face and praise our heavenly Father forever and ever and ever amen!...together.  Until then, we will cry tears of joy, for joy can be found in the mourning.  Happy Birthday, lil bro!  Love you bunches!!

It's Only God Who Makes You Whole

It's been over 3 years but holidays are still hard.  Not as hard as the first year.  But still hard.  Honestly, this year may be harder than last year simply because this is our family year rotation for Christmas, meaning I would normally be seeing Matt on the 25th along with the rest of the family, whereas last year was an "in-law" year so seeing him for the holidays wasn't expected.

So as Christmas draws nearer and nearer, I still find joy in the season while savoring and creating more precious memories with my husband and children as well as our extended family.  Yet, the ache remains.  The longing for him to be a part of this, for my nephews to be a part of this (another very difficult thing to swallow particularly since they are still alive), for what might have been...  There is a hole, a void, something- nay, someones missing.   And there always will be.

But that doesn't mean we remain stuck in our grief.  It doesn't mean we spend the rest of our lives in misery or dread every holiday.  We have good days and we have bad days.  Hopefully, as time passes and God heals our broken hearts we have more good than bad days.  Those of us who have traveled through the valley of grief and loss understand that feeling, particularly Christians.  We have heartache, but we have hope.  We miss those we love but are thankful that we will see them again and look forward to that day when God makes everything new and there is no more death or crying or sorrow or pain.

I started thinking about Matt on the way home this afternoon.  The kids wanted to listen to one of their CD's for the umpteenth time and one of the songs (which I've heard a zillion times before) really struck a cord this time.  Here are the lyrics and a youtube clip of a children's group singing the song.  The entire musical is really cute so if you are interested in the sheet music or CD, go to kidsworksmusic.com for more information.  The name of the show is "Life is Good" and the title of the song is "Good Grief".  The lyrics that really "hit home" with me are in bold.  If this is your first Christmas without a loved one, first of all, I'm so sorry for your loss.  Secondly, please take heart and do not fear.  God has overcome the world.  He can heal you.  Going through the fire can and will be painful and for someone as impatient as I am, it can take awhile.  But He will never leave you.  Will you come to Him?  Will you trust Him?  He is waiting.

No one on the planet is happy all the time.

Bad things happen every day.

But if you just remember, that God is there with you,

He will help you when you pray...

"Good grief." (x2 with echo)

It's perfect peace beyond belief.

It's knowing God is in control, good grief.

When something awful happens and you don't understand.

You can't find any hope inside.

The LORD wants you to trust Him, and never be afraid.

His loving arms will hold you tight.

Good grief. (x2 with echo)

It's perfect peace beyond belief.

It's knowing God is in control, good grief.

When trouble robs you like a thief,

It's only God who makes you whole, good grief.

Life is like a roller coaster, full of ups and downs.

Each day has good and bad times, with smiles and frowns.

But God promised to be there through all of our thicks and thins

And after the darkest night a bright new day begins.

Good grief (x2 with echo)

It's perfect peace beyond belief.

It's knowing God is in control.

Good grief (x2 with echo)

When trouble robs you like a thief,

It's only God who makes you whole,

Good grief.

"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed."

Psalm 34:18

Behind Every Raincloud...

*Disclaimer:  I did it again...I wrote a novel.  Sorry.  ;)

I have always considered myself to be an optimistic person.  Unfortunately, I have not had a very good attitude lately.  Stress is catching up with me, I guess, but that's really not a very good excuse.  A wise man once said, "I find that most of the things I end up complaining about are actually blessings."  That's been true for me recently.  It's also true what "they" say..."If Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."  Are you glad to see that I haven't lost my sense of humor? ;)  I'm trying to make a conscious effort to be more thankful and to notice just how blessed I truly am.  So, here's the scoop for those who are interested...

Better Than a Hallelujah

Life is such a mixed bag. Ecclesiastes 3:1-7 is just as true today as it was when it was written.

"For everything there is a season,

a time for every activity under heaven.

A time to be born and a time to die.

A time to plant and a time to harvest.

A time to kill and a time to heal.

A time to tear down and a time to build up.

A time to cry and a time to laugh.

A time to grieve and a time to dance.

A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.

A time to embrace and a time to turn away.

A time to search and a time to quit searching.

A time to keep and a time to throw away.

A time to tear and a time to mend.

A time to be quiet and a time to speak.

A time to love and a time to hate.

A time for war and a time for peace."

Two things struck me today about this passage:

1. These times come at different times for different people simultaneously. For instance, while someone may be celebrating the birth of a child today, someone else may be mourning the death of one. And...
2. Some of these different times can also come for the same people simultaneously. Using the previous example, while mourning the loss of a child, one can also celebrate the fact that they were born in the first place, for the time afforded with them on this earth.

I had a lot more I wanted to say about this but my brain is moving faster than I can type and going in all kinds of different directions just based on these two striking thoughts...and it's getting too deep for even me. :) So, just think about this for now; if we can feel this way, while taking into account that 1) we are made in His image and 2) He's not limited by time (In fact, He's not limited at all.), how does God feel? Maybe I'll delve deeper later.

I want to leave you with this last "benediction", if you will. I think it sheds a little light on the irony/complexity of what I'm trying to convey, but my primary goal in sharing this song is to uplift those who are suffering. He is with you...an ever present help in times of trouble and sorrow. He cries with you, yet rejoices when you turn to Him, trusting Him with your grief.