Feminism: The "Ugly" Head

Feminism seems to be rearing its ugly head everywhere I turn.  I say "ugly" because the older I get, the more convinced I become that this is not a godly way to live.  Call me old-fashioned, that's okay with me.  Honestly, I didn't used to think this way.  I was mostly on board the "feminist bandwagon" not that long ago (never did go the "pro-choice" direction), declaring the injustices and oppression of women and shunning the traditional stereotype of us as "merely" wives and mothers.  After all, we are not just mindless baby-making machines.  We have brains and we don't need a man to complete us!  I remember vividly the day I left for college and my loving, well-intentioned grandfather said, "Now, you go and find yourself a good, Christian young man to marry."  I was so offended!  How dare he?!  I was there to get an education!  I didn't need a man to complete me and that was certainly not the reason I enrolled!  (Though, I did keep my eyes and options open. ;)) 

Whatever you believe, be fair and consistent.  Our society has moved from "equal rights for women" to "no respect for men".  Are you advocating equal rights or gender domination?  If you are a Christian, remember that your husband is the head of your household.  If you hate that you were born a woman or have a problem with male headship, you'll have to take that up with the Creator Himself.

Photo credit:  Women Stomping Man

More cries of inequality, "Equal pay in the workplace!  Husbands should do the same amount of work at home as we women do!  After all, we didn't make those babies by ourselves and we're not the only ones who live here."  Sounds fair, right?  I'm all for fair and there is some legitimacy to these cries...some.  Let's start with equal pay.  Do men take maternity leave?  Typically not, although I'll grant that some have that luxury.  And what of the hospital bill for the birth?  If your kids get sick at school, who typically goes to pick them up?  Each family is different and certainly there are other factors and considerations at play in these situations but generally speaking, can you see how this could affect what salary an employer pays a woman versus a man in the same position?  As a general rule, is the woman doing the same amount of work as the man?  If so, then yes, she should receive equal pay.  But before bemoaning the injustice of it all, I implore you to keep these things in mind. 

Next, housework and caregiving.  This one is addressed more specifically to housewives like me or those who work part-time.  You are at home...working.  Presumably, your husband is working.  If he's not, then you have a legitimate complaint.  He should do more to help out.  I sympathize with those of you with babies at home.  They are demanding.  They are taxing.  By the time your husband comes home, you are worn slap out and there is still dinner, bath, and bedtime left to do before the day is done.  Rejuvenate yourself by napping when they do.  Your husband doesn't usually have this luxury.  In most instances, it could get him fired.  Most days you get to play with your little one(s), too.  It's fun, right?  Not every minute of every day is a burden.  If it is, you've got bigger problems on your hands than "women's oppression".  Does your husband enjoy his job or is he sacrificing to keep a roof over your heads and food on the table?  Again, I'm not saying that your complaint isn't legitimate.  It may very well be.  I'm just asking you to try and see things from your husband's point of view and remind you of the contributions he is already making for you and your family.  Let him know he is appreciated and that his sacrifices and hard work are not in vain.  Instead of beating him up, build him up.  If you don't, who will?  Here is a piece of advice that I've found helpful as well:  Ask for help.  Be direct.  That's not something that many of us women are very good at doing.  I know I wasn't.  I would fume and stew and then Justin would have the audacity to ask, "What's wrong?" 

"Pbbth!  What's wrong??  How dare he?!  If he loved me, he would just know.  I wouldn't have to tell him."  Sound familiar?  Wow.  Talk about unfair.  "How can he not see that I'm drowning in children's tears, dirty dishes, and a sea of unrelenting laundry?"  (Seriously.  He doesn't see it.)  Then you think, "I married an idiot."  Well, guess what?  I'm thankful for my idiot and you should be thankful for yours, too! lol  If he thought like me and came home "seeing" this, he would be just as stressed as I am looking at it.  Two stressed out spouses/parents are one too many!  So, yes.  I'm telling you to be thankful that he has no clue.  I'm telling you to ask for his help (in a kind and thoughtful way).  Despite what the world will tell you, he wants to please you.  Show him how and thank him when he does.  And that brings me to my next point...

Don't treat him like he is stupid.  He's not.  Besides that, if he is stupid, what does that say about you for marrying him?  In relation to that, don't talk to other people about how "stupid" he is either.  (Now you say, "But Stephanie, you just called your husband an idiot on a public platform."  Yes.  Yes, I did.  I did it to prove a point and if you've been married any length of time, I assure you that both of you have thought that about the other at some point in time.  I am an idiot sometimes, too.  Reality is your friend, ladies.  Reality is your friend. ;))  I've witnessed too many women who make a regular habit of making fun of their husbands to other women.  The next time you are tempted to do the same, ask yourself how you would feel if he were to talk to his friends about you that same way.

I hope to write more posts on how to be more godly women, addressing specific challenges many of us face in this day and age.  I haven't mastered any of this, mind you.  I'm a work in progress and will be until the day I die.  So let's just walk this journey together, vowing to be the kind of wife and mother deserving of the praise and adoration of our husbands and children, and confident in our worth and value that only comes from the Lord.

Submitting to your husband does not mean you are less valuable than he is.  It means you value him more than you value yourself.  Let's be holy, God-fearing women of service and devotion, rather than women of selfish pursuit and ambition.  Don't I know that women are people too and deserve to be treated fairly?  Of course.  Now define "fairly".  Don't I know that men do stupid things sometimes?  (I think we've already established my thoughts on that. ;))  Don't I know that men are selfish sometimes?  Newsflash: so are we. 

Treat your man with respect, not ridicule.  If he is any kind of man at all, he will thank you for it naturally, without your nagging or manipulation, and you'll both be better for it.  If not, love him anyway. 

You were made for him...so he wouldn't live alone. 
Not to be his servant, but to be his soul-mate.  What an honor and privilege! 

Jesus came for all of us...so we would live! 
Not to be our servant, but to be our Savior.  But guess what? 
He saved us through His service and submission to God. 

Does Jesus' value not exceed our own?  Wasn't He God in the flesh?  Being equal to God?  If He didn't consider equality something to be grasped, why should we?  Does that mean we are to be doormats?  No.  Was Jesus a doormat?  No.  He knew His worth and so had no need to demand "equal rights".  Instead, he honored and fought for the rights of others.  Women, children, the sick and elderly, the poor and needy.  Oughtn't we do the same?

Photo credit: Airmiles Files

Let's strive to be a soul-mate through our service and submission to our husband, bringing him honor and praise at the city gates.  Peace.

It's Only God Who Makes You Whole

It's been over 3 years but holidays are still hard.  Not as hard as the first year.  But still hard.  Honestly, this year may be harder than last year simply because this is our family year rotation for Christmas, meaning I would normally be seeing Matt on the 25th along with the rest of the family, whereas last year was an "in-law" year so seeing him for the holidays wasn't expected.

So as Christmas draws nearer and nearer, I still find joy in the season while savoring and creating more precious memories with my husband and children as well as our extended family.  Yet, the ache remains.  The longing for him to be a part of this, for my nephews to be a part of this (another very difficult thing to swallow particularly since they are still alive), for what might have been...  There is a hole, a void, something- nay, someones missing.   And there always will be.

But that doesn't mean we remain stuck in our grief.  It doesn't mean we spend the rest of our lives in misery or dread every holiday.  We have good days and we have bad days.  Hopefully, as time passes and God heals our broken hearts we have more good than bad days.  Those of us who have traveled through the valley of grief and loss understand that feeling, particularly Christians.  We have heartache, but we have hope.  We miss those we love but are thankful that we will see them again and look forward to that day when God makes everything new and there is no more death or crying or sorrow or pain.

I started thinking about Matt on the way home this afternoon.  The kids wanted to listen to one of their CD's for the umpteenth time and one of the songs (which I've heard a zillion times before) really struck a cord this time.  Here are the lyrics and a youtube clip of a children's group singing the song.  The entire musical is really cute so if you are interested in the sheet music or CD, go to kidsworksmusic.com for more information.  The name of the show is "Life is Good" and the title of the song is "Good Grief".  The lyrics that really "hit home" with me are in bold.  If this is your first Christmas without a loved one, first of all, I'm so sorry for your loss.  Secondly, please take heart and do not fear.  God has overcome the world.  He can heal you.  Going through the fire can and will be painful and for someone as impatient as I am, it can take awhile.  But He will never leave you.  Will you come to Him?  Will you trust Him?  He is waiting.

No one on the planet is happy all the time.

Bad things happen every day.

But if you just remember, that God is there with you,

He will help you when you pray...

"Good grief." (x2 with echo)

It's perfect peace beyond belief.

It's knowing God is in control, good grief.

When something awful happens and you don't understand.

You can't find any hope inside.

The LORD wants you to trust Him, and never be afraid.

His loving arms will hold you tight.

Good grief. (x2 with echo)

It's perfect peace beyond belief.

It's knowing God is in control, good grief.

When trouble robs you like a thief,

It's only God who makes you whole, good grief.

Life is like a roller coaster, full of ups and downs.

Each day has good and bad times, with smiles and frowns.

But God promised to be there through all of our thicks and thins

And after the darkest night a bright new day begins.

Good grief (x2 with echo)

It's perfect peace beyond belief.

It's knowing God is in control.

Good grief (x2 with echo)

When trouble robs you like a thief,

It's only God who makes you whole,

Good grief.

"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed."

Psalm 34:18

The Theological Threes

I had an interesting lunch conversation with my darling 3 year old today.  It started with the usual torrent of questions, only this time the questions were a bit more difficult to answer and explain.  Justin and I try to be very honest in how we answer our children's questions while also trying to maintain age appropriateness.  That's a challenging task sometimes but we feel that it's important in providing them with a sense of security, safety, and trust in us, their parents.  Our philosophy is, "Reality is your friend."  I suppose another way of saying that is, "The truth will set you free."  With that in mind, here's today's dialogue:

Sunday's Spiritual Smackdown

**Warning- this is an exceptionally long post (and coming from me, that is saying something. ;)) so feel free to break it up into bite-sized pieces if you need to or take a moment to settle in with a nice, hot cup of cocoa and plan to stay for awhile. :) )**

I cried nearly the entire time during church Sunday...both during assembly AND during class.  This is not an exaggeration.  I was really quite a mess.  I know God's hand was especially at work in my life that morning, tugging at my heartstrings.  He had a message that I desperately needed to hear.  I can say this with full confidence because I know that if we'd gone to assembly first like we usually do (Our church has 2 morning services.), and then to class, I wouldn't have been listening as intently.  I probably would have missed it.