Feminism: The "Ugly" Head

Feminism seems to be rearing its ugly head everywhere I turn.  I say "ugly" because the older I get, the more convinced I become that this is not a godly way to live.  Call me old-fashioned, that's okay with me.  Honestly, I didn't used to think this way.  I was mostly on board the "feminist bandwagon" not that long ago (never did go the "pro-choice" direction), declaring the injustices and oppression of women and shunning the traditional stereotype of us as "merely" wives and mothers.  After all, we are not just mindless baby-making machines.  We have brains and we don't need a man to complete us!  I remember vividly the day I left for college and my loving, well-intentioned grandfather said, "Now, you go and find yourself a good, Christian young man to marry."  I was so offended!  How dare he?!  I was there to get an education!  I didn't need a man to complete me and that was certainly not the reason I enrolled!  (Though, I did keep my eyes and options open. ;)) 

Whatever you believe, be fair and consistent.  Our society has moved from "equal rights for women" to "no respect for men".  Are you advocating equal rights or gender domination?  If you are a Christian, remember that your husband is the head of your household.  If you hate that you were born a woman or have a problem with male headship, you'll have to take that up with the Creator Himself.

Photo credit:  Women Stomping Man

More cries of inequality, "Equal pay in the workplace!  Husbands should do the same amount of work at home as we women do!  After all, we didn't make those babies by ourselves and we're not the only ones who live here."  Sounds fair, right?  I'm all for fair and there is some legitimacy to these cries...some.  Let's start with equal pay.  Do men take maternity leave?  Typically not, although I'll grant that some have that luxury.  And what of the hospital bill for the birth?  If your kids get sick at school, who typically goes to pick them up?  Each family is different and certainly there are other factors and considerations at play in these situations but generally speaking, can you see how this could affect what salary an employer pays a woman versus a man in the same position?  As a general rule, is the woman doing the same amount of work as the man?  If so, then yes, she should receive equal pay.  But before bemoaning the injustice of it all, I implore you to keep these things in mind. 

Next, housework and caregiving.  This one is addressed more specifically to housewives like me or those who work part-time.  You are at home...working.  Presumably, your husband is working.  If he's not, then you have a legitimate complaint.  He should do more to help out.  I sympathize with those of you with babies at home.  They are demanding.  They are taxing.  By the time your husband comes home, you are worn slap out and there is still dinner, bath, and bedtime left to do before the day is done.  Rejuvenate yourself by napping when they do.  Your husband doesn't usually have this luxury.  In most instances, it could get him fired.  Most days you get to play with your little one(s), too.  It's fun, right?  Not every minute of every day is a burden.  If it is, you've got bigger problems on your hands than "women's oppression".  Does your husband enjoy his job or is he sacrificing to keep a roof over your heads and food on the table?  Again, I'm not saying that your complaint isn't legitimate.  It may very well be.  I'm just asking you to try and see things from your husband's point of view and remind you of the contributions he is already making for you and your family.  Let him know he is appreciated and that his sacrifices and hard work are not in vain.  Instead of beating him up, build him up.  If you don't, who will?  Here is a piece of advice that I've found helpful as well:  Ask for help.  Be direct.  That's not something that many of us women are very good at doing.  I know I wasn't.  I would fume and stew and then Justin would have the audacity to ask, "What's wrong?" 

"Pbbth!  What's wrong??  How dare he?!  If he loved me, he would just know.  I wouldn't have to tell him."  Sound familiar?  Wow.  Talk about unfair.  "How can he not see that I'm drowning in children's tears, dirty dishes, and a sea of unrelenting laundry?"  (Seriously.  He doesn't see it.)  Then you think, "I married an idiot."  Well, guess what?  I'm thankful for my idiot and you should be thankful for yours, too! lol  If he thought like me and came home "seeing" this, he would be just as stressed as I am looking at it.  Two stressed out spouses/parents are one too many!  So, yes.  I'm telling you to be thankful that he has no clue.  I'm telling you to ask for his help (in a kind and thoughtful way).  Despite what the world will tell you, he wants to please you.  Show him how and thank him when he does.  And that brings me to my next point...

Don't treat him like he is stupid.  He's not.  Besides that, if he is stupid, what does that say about you for marrying him?  In relation to that, don't talk to other people about how "stupid" he is either.  (Now you say, "But Stephanie, you just called your husband an idiot on a public platform."  Yes.  Yes, I did.  I did it to prove a point and if you've been married any length of time, I assure you that both of you have thought that about the other at some point in time.  I am an idiot sometimes, too.  Reality is your friend, ladies.  Reality is your friend. ;))  I've witnessed too many women who make a regular habit of making fun of their husbands to other women.  The next time you are tempted to do the same, ask yourself how you would feel if he were to talk to his friends about you that same way.

I hope to write more posts on how to be more godly women, addressing specific challenges many of us face in this day and age.  I haven't mastered any of this, mind you.  I'm a work in progress and will be until the day I die.  So let's just walk this journey together, vowing to be the kind of wife and mother deserving of the praise and adoration of our husbands and children, and confident in our worth and value that only comes from the Lord.

Submitting to your husband does not mean you are less valuable than he is.  It means you value him more than you value yourself.  Let's be holy, God-fearing women of service and devotion, rather than women of selfish pursuit and ambition.  Don't I know that women are people too and deserve to be treated fairly?  Of course.  Now define "fairly".  Don't I know that men do stupid things sometimes?  (I think we've already established my thoughts on that. ;))  Don't I know that men are selfish sometimes?  Newsflash: so are we. 

Treat your man with respect, not ridicule.  If he is any kind of man at all, he will thank you for it naturally, without your nagging or manipulation, and you'll both be better for it.  If not, love him anyway. 

You were made for him...so he wouldn't live alone. 
Not to be his servant, but to be his soul-mate.  What an honor and privilege! 

Jesus came for all of us...so we would live! 
Not to be our servant, but to be our Savior.  But guess what? 
He saved us through His service and submission to God. 

Does Jesus' value not exceed our own?  Wasn't He God in the flesh?  Being equal to God?  If He didn't consider equality something to be grasped, why should we?  Does that mean we are to be doormats?  No.  Was Jesus a doormat?  No.  He knew His worth and so had no need to demand "equal rights".  Instead, he honored and fought for the rights of others.  Women, children, the sick and elderly, the poor and needy.  Oughtn't we do the same?

Photo credit: Airmiles Files

Let's strive to be a soul-mate through our service and submission to our husband, bringing him honor and praise at the city gates.  Peace.

Election Fast 2012: Week 2

This is a little late in coming, but I wanted to share some highlights of last week with you in regards to the fast.  Earlier in the week I wanted sweet tea so badly that I could hardly stand it.  Now, I still want it but I'm not crawling out of my skin to get to it and perspiring under the stress of the inward battle "to drink, or not to drink". ;)  Naturally, the most tempting times came when others around me were drinking tea.

Before this fast, I would make a pitcher of sweet tea nearly every night to serve with dinner.  I haven't done that since the start of the fast.  I guess everyone else in the family just has to suffer with me.  But we still go out to eat on occasion, even if it's just to McDonald's or something like that (and can I just say, I love McD's sweet tea!  Most people I know say that theirs is too sweet, but not to me.  Perfection!).  Those times were trying because what I really wanted to do was...well, #1-get my own cup of tea and barring that, #2-finish my kids' one-sip-less-than-full cups of tea....but I didn't!  Victory is mine! ;)

Whenever I felt the "urge", I would pray inwardly to God thanking Him for all of my many blessings, for His provision, His safety, His love.  Then, I would listen and wait for His voice.  Was there someone near me in need of Him?  Was there someone close by who needed my help in His name?  Did someone come to mind that I should call?  Who would have thought that something as insignificant as a glass of sweet tea could bring one to the throne room of the Almighty?

Chicken, Christian, or Both?

This whole gay marriage debate has me nauseous.  In response to all the media coverage of Chick-fil-a's position on the matter, facebook is all abuzz and it seems everyone wants to voice their opinions and feelings on the matter...including me.  It's exhausting.

What bothers me the most is seeing my Christian friends in support of it, but to make the matter worse, to question my heart because of my differing view.  To be called unloving and intolerant by the world is one thing, but to be told by those claiming to be Christians that "people like you are the reason Christians have a bad name" is just heartbreaking.

I hear Christian friends saying things like, "It's not our job to legalize morality or push our beliefs on other people."  Or they might say, "We are called to love.  Where is your compassion and empathy?"  As if Jesus would somehow approve of gay marriage and I am the cold-hearted snake for thinking otherwise.  Really??  Is this what our nation and CHURCH has come to?  I try to have a respectful debate about the issue, raising what I believe to be valid concerns and rather than get any answers, my Christian character is attacked, I'm compared to those who were against slavery and women's rights, accused of suppressing the rights of others (or out-and-out hating them) and labeled "insecure".

Is there anyone out there willing to critically think through the implications of this issue and have a respectful dialogue without resorting to name calling and attacking the individual (or company, in Chick-fil-a's case)?

I plan to blog another post explaining why I believe legalizing gay marriage is bad for America.  At least this way, whenever the subject comes up online I can just post a link to my thoughts without regurgitating them over and over and over again.  We, as Christians, really cannot remain silent on this issue.  Brothers and sisters, it is time to get involved.  Take a lesson from Chick-fil-a and don't be a Christian chicken.  ;)  Speak out.  More on that later.  Right now, I need to recharge.

Dear Anonymous...

"Was a great blog till you started attacking homosexuals. Hopefully you teach your children to be more open minded than yourself and leave the judgeing up to God... you know. The judge. Sin is sin and all those times you have lied in your life are just the same as 2 men/women laying together. Teach them to Love. That is Christianity." -Anonymous in response to The Theological Threes.

Dear Anonymous,

It seems that your idea of Christianity and my idea of Christianity are very different.  First of all, there was nothing in my post that "attacked" homosexuals.  I merely mentioned my concern for how I would respond to my children when they had questions about friends at school with same-sex parents or classmates engaging in homosexual activity.  Having homosexual tendencies is not a sin.  Acting on them is.  There's a huge difference.  I never said anything about not loving them.  We are all afflicted with different temptations.  For some, it may be stealing...others, addictions...another, homosexuality.   We are all still humans who are made in the image of God.  Yet they (the examples I gave in my post) have chosen a lifestyle that is against His will.  Loving someone does not mean you sit idly by and condone their sin.  Would you do that with an addict?  "Here, have another shot!  I love you, man!"  What if my 3 year old steals a pill that she finds in my medicine cabinet?  "Ok, sweetie.  Mommy loves you so you go ahead and keep it."  No!  In fact, loving them means confronting them with their sin and calling them to repentance because you care about them, their salvation, and their life!  But my post wasn't even about confronting them.  It was about what to tell my kids.

Second, you are right that God is the ultimate judge.  But He also gave us brains with the expectation that we'd use them and He clearly expects us to know right from wrong, which in and of itself requires making a judgment.  You said yourself that "sin is sin" which implies that you believe sin to be wrong.  That's a judgment, right?  Accusing me of attacking homosexuals is another judgment, right?  You obviously think I've done something wrong.  Why is it okay for you to judge me but it's not okay for me to voice my belief on the practice of homosexuality?  I've heard the line "Do not judge, lest you be judged." (Matthew 7:1) spouted off too often in defense of saying or doing anything that's disagreeable to another person.  That's not what that verse means and that's not what God intends for us to do.  Matthew continues in that same passage to talk about removing the speck in your brother's (another believer) eye when there's a log in your own eye.  We like to stop there and use it as another example of not judging others because "I'm not without sin so I should just keep my mouth shut lest I be judged."  But if you look at verse 5, Matthew (and therefore, God) never said to leave the speck in your brother's eye!  He said first remove the log in your own eye so that you may see clearly to remove the speck in your brother's eye.

Frankly, I don't buy the argument that all "sin is sin" anymore.  I don't believe that's Biblical.  Certainly, all sin separates us from God.  But I do not believe the Bible teaches that all sin is equal.  If that were so, wouldn't both the believers in Matthew's story either have specks or logs, not one of each?  There seems to be an implication that one is worse than the other.  You've probably also heard of "the unforgivable sin", blasphemy against the Holy Spirit (Luke 12:10).  Apparently, even Jesus thought that some sins were greater than others.  So, no.  I do not believe that all the times I've lied in my life are just the same as me having sexual relations with a woman.  I do my best to steer clear of both.

I have an open mind and I encourage my children to also think outside of the box.  However, there's a difference between having an open mind and having a meaningless theology.  Yes, love covers over a multitude of sins and I am ever so grateful for that truth!  God is love.  Pure and perfect love.  If in being love, He can still lay ground rules of what is right and what is wrong, then I can say with confidence that sometimes love must be tough.  Sometimes, love will not be the answer you want to hear.  That is Christianity.

The Theological Threes

I had an interesting lunch conversation with my darling 3 year old today.  It started with the usual torrent of questions, only this time the questions were a bit more difficult to answer and explain.  Justin and I try to be very honest in how we answer our children's questions while also trying to maintain age appropriateness.  That's a challenging task sometimes but we feel that it's important in providing them with a sense of security, safety, and trust in us, their parents.  Our philosophy is, "Reality is your friend."  I suppose another way of saying that is, "The truth will set you free."  With that in mind, here's today's dialogue: