Bye-Bye, BSA

Those of you that are close to us know how much we enjoyed Cub scouts as a family.  Our boys could sell the heck out of some popcorn, too!  Two years ago we registered Jackson as a Tiger Cub thinking this would be the perfect outlet for him.  Our aspie would learn how to work with members of a team without feeling the heavy weight of competition.  In most instances, the only person he would compete with was himself.  After all, the cub scout motto is "do your best".  He would also have the opportunity to form deeper bonds and hopefully lifelong friendships with his denmates without the pressure and stimulation of a crowded room (except maybe for the occasional Pack meeting ;)).  Given that our charter was with the local First Baptist Church, we surmised that he would have good, male Christian role models (in addition to his father, of course) to guide and protect him.  And he did.

Somehow, a few weeks into the program I found myself in the role of den leader.  In a perfect world, my husband would be the parental counterpart for scouts but as circumstances would have it, our meetings were Tuesday evenings, the only night of the week Justin has to work.  So, I just went with it. :)  We played, we camped, we did experiments, we "saw" things, we "derbied".  We probably had the smallest den of our entire pack, consisting of only four boys, but we were a close-knit group and that included siblings.  My other two children were always in tow and other families' were as well.  My daughter, who was only 4 at the time, was convinced she was also a tiger.  It was hard work and I'm confident I always looked frazzled but it was so worth it. 

Not only did my son form friendships, so did we.  That first year I became friends with another Tiger den leader initially because we were both new to this "leader business" and I certainly didn't have a clue what to do and welcomed all the support I could find.  It wasn't until later that we realized we both had daughters the same age and they got along like peas and carrots.  Our second year we met a family who also have children with autism and were instant friends.  They were den leaders for the first time that year so we shared that mutual understanding not only from the autism standpoint, but the challenges that come with leadership as well.

Yes, I was quite the advocate until the recent membership policy change.  For those who don't know, in May of 2013 BSA's National Council voted to change their membership policy to include practicing homosexuals.  Before anyone gets all bent out of shape and starts calling me a "homophobe", let me set the record straight.  This is not an issue of "equality".  The Council didn't vote to include boys who are struggling with homosexuality.  In fact, the existing policy already did that.  No, this is an issue of morality.  This policy now, essentially, states that there is absolutely nothing wrong with being actively gay...as a scout. 

As a leader, you're still out of luck...for now.  That will change, though.  Mark my words.  I don't know how BSA can possibly defend a position that says scouts can be gay but leaders can't.  I'll be the first to say that is blatantly inconsistent and hypocritical and you can rest assured that LGBT advocates will be (and already have been) all but happy to point that out.  According to BSA's own survey, 61% of members opposed this change, yet they made it anyway.  Seventy percent of charters were held by churches.  I'd be interested in knowing what that figure is at the end of this year.  As for our Pack, another church picked up the charter when First Baptist dropped it earlier this year.  Kudos to First Baptist for having the fortitude to do it.  It certainly wasn't the "PC" thing to do and they did catch flak for it.

After the vote, I felt very disillusioned.  Boy Scouts of America no longer resembled the scouts I remember from my youth...not that I was ever a scout, obviously, but my brother was at one time and I had several well-respected friends who grew up scouting.  I was looking forward to helping my boys earn lots of belt loops over the summer and the verdict just deflated my enthusiasm for that until it was almost non-existent.  Our family was left asking, "Now what?" or to put it another way, "Do we stay or do we go?"

Really, the decision was an obvious one- just painful to execute.  At first I was angry to have been put in such a position.  My youngest boy was only 6 and I wasn't planning to have a conversation at that tender age about the definition of sexual orientation!  When he asked why we weren't doing scouts this year, what would we say?  Because I said so?  Well, that doesn't sound very fair.  And what about the friendships we had all formed?  Not just our dens' but our pack as a whole was fairly tight.

Well, he did ask.  We were honest without going into lots of detail.  I think we said something like, "Cub scouts is going in a different direction than what we think God wants us to go."  Since we took up homeschooling this year too, and that change brought us 4-H, we were able to add an alternative.  Now, don't get me wrong.  We love 4-H and the kids really like Horse Club...but 4-H is not scouts.  It's just a much different atmosphere.

Naturally, we were super excited when we learned that a TrailLife Troop was forming in our town!  Now we really do have an alternative!  :D  To add to that excitement was the knowledge that many of the boys joining were former den and pack friends as well.  But that's a post for another day.  Today's post is about saying goodbye.

BSA, I fear you have made a fatal mistake.  Even if your organization survives (and I tend to think it will, actually), it will never be what it once was.  It is fundamentally forever changed...for worse, in my opinion.  You can still do good, of course, and help mold boys into men of good citizenship and strong civil service.  But you've given away a piece of your soul and in so doing have turned your back on your Christian roots and by extension God Himself.  You may continue to exist but will cease to breathe real Life into these young boys.  That sounds harsh, I know.  Truly, I mourn for you.  I loved BSA.  But this change we cannot abide and apparently, many other families feel the same way we do.

See what happens when an organization that families love abandons what they really loved about it?  They leave.  Then, those families start their own organization and bring it right back to the heart of the matter.  Please don't think we left the scouts to join TrailLife.  This wasn't a "stick it to BSA" move. 

No, the truth is this was a "stick with God" move. 

We just left.  Then, the Lord supplied His own alternative.

And no matter what any person or organization does or doesn't do, the Lord will always have the final word.

With a tear in my eye and a burning hope in my heart, my final word (for this post anyway ;)):  Bye-Bye, BSA!

Chicken, Christian, or Both?

This whole gay marriage debate has me nauseous.  In response to all the media coverage of Chick-fil-a's position on the matter, facebook is all abuzz and it seems everyone wants to voice their opinions and feelings on the matter...including me.  It's exhausting.

What bothers me the most is seeing my Christian friends in support of it, but to make the matter worse, to question my heart because of my differing view.  To be called unloving and intolerant by the world is one thing, but to be told by those claiming to be Christians that "people like you are the reason Christians have a bad name" is just heartbreaking.

I hear Christian friends saying things like, "It's not our job to legalize morality or push our beliefs on other people."  Or they might say, "We are called to love.  Where is your compassion and empathy?"  As if Jesus would somehow approve of gay marriage and I am the cold-hearted snake for thinking otherwise.  Really??  Is this what our nation and CHURCH has come to?  I try to have a respectful debate about the issue, raising what I believe to be valid concerns and rather than get any answers, my Christian character is attacked, I'm compared to those who were against slavery and women's rights, accused of suppressing the rights of others (or out-and-out hating them) and labeled "insecure".

Is there anyone out there willing to critically think through the implications of this issue and have a respectful dialogue without resorting to name calling and attacking the individual (or company, in Chick-fil-a's case)?

I plan to blog another post explaining why I believe legalizing gay marriage is bad for America.  At least this way, whenever the subject comes up online I can just post a link to my thoughts without regurgitating them over and over and over again.  We, as Christians, really cannot remain silent on this issue.  Brothers and sisters, it is time to get involved.  Take a lesson from Chick-fil-a and don't be a Christian chicken.  ;)  Speak out.  More on that later.  Right now, I need to recharge.

My Really Random Week

**I've literally spent hours on this post.  I even posted it late last night only to remove it hours later because it just didn't sit well with me.  I'm not sure it's worth all this effort but despite my issues with my "father", I'm still called by God to honor him.  I often talk too much (or type) and I don't wish to gossip or slander anyone.  We all make mistakes.  My father is a part of my testimony so I want to share that, but I also wish to honor God in doing so.  It's been a tough balancing act for me in figuring out how to accomplish that goal.  With that said, here is the post.  I hope I've succeeded in speaking truth when necessary and holding my tongue (or fingers) when unnecessary.


I don't even know where to begin in describing this past week.  It was a real doozy, that's for sure.  Imagine finding out that your biological father was arrested and charged with shooting with intent to kill.  You haven't seen him in over 30 years and the last time you spoke to him on the phone was at least 5 years ago.  He never paid a dime in child support and was basically MIA for your entire childhood.  He wrote you a letter (more like a novel) nearly 20 years ago, just before you graduated from high school, while incarcerated for armed bank robbery and check kiting and for which he still claims his innocence.  He never initiated contact with your younger brother, who is now deceased, and you aren't even sure whether or not he knows that his son is dead...or if he even cares.

Dear Anonymous...

"Was a great blog till you started attacking homosexuals. Hopefully you teach your children to be more open minded than yourself and leave the judgeing up to God... you know. The judge. Sin is sin and all those times you have lied in your life are just the same as 2 men/women laying together. Teach them to Love. That is Christianity." -Anonymous in response to The Theological Threes.

Dear Anonymous,

It seems that your idea of Christianity and my idea of Christianity are very different.  First of all, there was nothing in my post that "attacked" homosexuals.  I merely mentioned my concern for how I would respond to my children when they had questions about friends at school with same-sex parents or classmates engaging in homosexual activity.  Having homosexual tendencies is not a sin.  Acting on them is.  There's a huge difference.  I never said anything about not loving them.  We are all afflicted with different temptations.  For some, it may be stealing...others, addictions...another, homosexuality.   We are all still humans who are made in the image of God.  Yet they (the examples I gave in my post) have chosen a lifestyle that is against His will.  Loving someone does not mean you sit idly by and condone their sin.  Would you do that with an addict?  "Here, have another shot!  I love you, man!"  What if my 3 year old steals a pill that she finds in my medicine cabinet?  "Ok, sweetie.  Mommy loves you so you go ahead and keep it."  No!  In fact, loving them means confronting them with their sin and calling them to repentance because you care about them, their salvation, and their life!  But my post wasn't even about confronting them.  It was about what to tell my kids.

Second, you are right that God is the ultimate judge.  But He also gave us brains with the expectation that we'd use them and He clearly expects us to know right from wrong, which in and of itself requires making a judgment.  You said yourself that "sin is sin" which implies that you believe sin to be wrong.  That's a judgment, right?  Accusing me of attacking homosexuals is another judgment, right?  You obviously think I've done something wrong.  Why is it okay for you to judge me but it's not okay for me to voice my belief on the practice of homosexuality?  I've heard the line "Do not judge, lest you be judged." (Matthew 7:1) spouted off too often in defense of saying or doing anything that's disagreeable to another person.  That's not what that verse means and that's not what God intends for us to do.  Matthew continues in that same passage to talk about removing the speck in your brother's (another believer) eye when there's a log in your own eye.  We like to stop there and use it as another example of not judging others because "I'm not without sin so I should just keep my mouth shut lest I be judged."  But if you look at verse 5, Matthew (and therefore, God) never said to leave the speck in your brother's eye!  He said first remove the log in your own eye so that you may see clearly to remove the speck in your brother's eye.

Frankly, I don't buy the argument that all "sin is sin" anymore.  I don't believe that's Biblical.  Certainly, all sin separates us from God.  But I do not believe the Bible teaches that all sin is equal.  If that were so, wouldn't both the believers in Matthew's story either have specks or logs, not one of each?  There seems to be an implication that one is worse than the other.  You've probably also heard of "the unforgivable sin", blasphemy against the Holy Spirit (Luke 12:10).  Apparently, even Jesus thought that some sins were greater than others.  So, no.  I do not believe that all the times I've lied in my life are just the same as me having sexual relations with a woman.  I do my best to steer clear of both.

I have an open mind and I encourage my children to also think outside of the box.  However, there's a difference between having an open mind and having a meaningless theology.  Yes, love covers over a multitude of sins and I am ever so grateful for that truth!  God is love.  Pure and perfect love.  If in being love, He can still lay ground rules of what is right and what is wrong, then I can say with confidence that sometimes love must be tough.  Sometimes, love will not be the answer you want to hear.  That is Christianity.

The Theological Threes

I had an interesting lunch conversation with my darling 3 year old today.  It started with the usual torrent of questions, only this time the questions were a bit more difficult to answer and explain.  Justin and I try to be very honest in how we answer our children's questions while also trying to maintain age appropriateness.  That's a challenging task sometimes but we feel that it's important in providing them with a sense of security, safety, and trust in us, their parents.  Our philosophy is, "Reality is your friend."  I suppose another way of saying that is, "The truth will set you free."  With that in mind, here's today's dialogue: