Special Occasions: A Laundry Lesson

My 7 year old.  Bless him.  For some reason, my darling youngest son decided that his "Fun with Money" class today was going to be far from fun.  So, he thought he could just decide not to go.  Yeeeeaaah, I don't think so. 

I say it's time to go.  He remains seated.  Not budging.  Plenty of fussing happening, but no walking.  Little does he know that momma's not playing games.  I've told him before that I don't count.  You know, some parents will say, "If you don't...by the time I count to..."  Nuh-uh.  Not this momma.  I'm still guilty of repeating myself sometimes (I'm a work in progress) but I refuse to count.  He should also know by now that I know which buttons to push to get his attention.  In an unusually calm voice I say, "Ok.  No media for the rest of the day."  Now he's wailing and causing a scene.  "Oh, I see.  You'd rather have no media for two days."  "No, no, no!  Mommy, I'm sorry.  I'm sorry!  Do you still love me?"  I reassure him and wonder if this is a sincere question or if he's just trying to make me feel guilty...or hoping this question will relieve him of his consequence.

Lessons from a 6 Year Old: A Rose is Blooming

 My facebook status update last night: 

"I think I missed my calling as a firefighter since all I ever seem to do is put out fires. I'm really highly qualified. ;) Currently, I'm trying to smother the flames that Rhea Lana consigning has created. In the meantime, our apartment is catching fire. Then, of course, there's the MOPS newsletter that is FULLY ablaze. (Whose brilliant idea was that again? ;)) Spring break x 2 (my husband's, then the boys'), birthdays x 2 (mine, then Sadie's), Easter... You get the picture.  March is an inferno!"

With that in mind, here is what happened on the drive to school this morning:

It's Only God Who Makes You Whole

It's been over 3 years but holidays are still hard.  Not as hard as the first year.  But still hard.  Honestly, this year may be harder than last year simply because this is our family year rotation for Christmas, meaning I would normally be seeing Matt on the 25th along with the rest of the family, whereas last year was an "in-law" year so seeing him for the holidays wasn't expected.

So as Christmas draws nearer and nearer, I still find joy in the season while savoring and creating more precious memories with my husband and children as well as our extended family.  Yet, the ache remains.  The longing for him to be a part of this, for my nephews to be a part of this (another very difficult thing to swallow particularly since they are still alive), for what might have been...  There is a hole, a void, something- nay, someones missing.   And there always will be.

But that doesn't mean we remain stuck in our grief.  It doesn't mean we spend the rest of our lives in misery or dread every holiday.  We have good days and we have bad days.  Hopefully, as time passes and God heals our broken hearts we have more good than bad days.  Those of us who have traveled through the valley of grief and loss understand that feeling, particularly Christians.  We have heartache, but we have hope.  We miss those we love but are thankful that we will see them again and look forward to that day when God makes everything new and there is no more death or crying or sorrow or pain.

I started thinking about Matt on the way home this afternoon.  The kids wanted to listen to one of their CD's for the umpteenth time and one of the songs (which I've heard a zillion times before) really struck a cord this time.  Here are the lyrics and a youtube clip of a children's group singing the song.  The entire musical is really cute so if you are interested in the sheet music or CD, go to kidsworksmusic.com for more information.  The name of the show is "Life is Good" and the title of the song is "Good Grief".  The lyrics that really "hit home" with me are in bold.  If this is your first Christmas without a loved one, first of all, I'm so sorry for your loss.  Secondly, please take heart and do not fear.  God has overcome the world.  He can heal you.  Going through the fire can and will be painful and for someone as impatient as I am, it can take awhile.  But He will never leave you.  Will you come to Him?  Will you trust Him?  He is waiting.

No one on the planet is happy all the time.

Bad things happen every day.

But if you just remember, that God is there with you,

He will help you when you pray...

"Good grief." (x2 with echo)

It's perfect peace beyond belief.

It's knowing God is in control, good grief.

When something awful happens and you don't understand.

You can't find any hope inside.

The LORD wants you to trust Him, and never be afraid.

His loving arms will hold you tight.

Good grief. (x2 with echo)

It's perfect peace beyond belief.

It's knowing God is in control, good grief.

When trouble robs you like a thief,

It's only God who makes you whole, good grief.

Life is like a roller coaster, full of ups and downs.

Each day has good and bad times, with smiles and frowns.

But God promised to be there through all of our thicks and thins

And after the darkest night a bright new day begins.

Good grief (x2 with echo)

It's perfect peace beyond belief.

It's knowing God is in control.

Good grief (x2 with echo)

When trouble robs you like a thief,

It's only God who makes you whole,

Good grief.

"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed."

Psalm 34:18

Election Fast 2012: Week 1

This week went by so quickly that I barely had time to breathe.  Between getting the first newsletter done for my MOPS group, trying to register to vote AND get my license, moving furniture, getting sick, and doing all the other normal things to be done in any given week (dinner, dishes, laundry, etc.), there wasn't much time left to sit and think.  So, if you're waiting for the moment when my "spiritual awakening" happened, so am I.

As far as keeping my fast, I haven't had a drop of sweet tea and believe me, I've wanted it.  As it would happen, our Wii quit on us so staying away from the television is a temptation that solved itself.  Coincidence? ;)  The laptop still works but I've used that for "work" during the daylight hours so I've kept my fast in that respect too.

Even in the midst of my busyness and sickness, though, there were moments that reminded me to pray for the election.  Like when it was SO easy to register to vote, while getting my driver's license transferred still hasn't happened because I have to show my marriage license to prove I am who I say I am.  I've been married for over 9 years!  My former state license is in my married name.  My social security card is in my married name.  Why is that still not enough after 9 years?!  I even brought mailed bills addressed to me in (you guessed it) my married name as proof of residency.  (Funny enough...you don't need proof of residency to transfer your driver's license in Arkansas.  What?!)  Yet, I can waltz right into the county clerk's office, fill out an application with only the last four digits of my social security card and leave registered to vote.  (Again...What?!)  Oh!  And note to self: Find marriage license!

In cases like that I'm reminded to pray that any voter fraud be exposed, that it be prevented in the first place, that we can have confidence in a fair election that is unaltered and legitimate in every way.  Upon seeing the debate this week, I pray that the truth will win out, lies will be exposed, news coverage would be fair and accurate (miracles have been known to happen ;)), but most of all I pray that God will grant "We, the People", "We, the Voters", "we, HIS people" wisdom and discernment as we cast our ballots.  I pray that our future president will fear Him, love Him, obey Him and that God will grant him His wisdom as he leads our country.

Looking ahead, week 2 is liable to be just as busy as this past week.  Yet, I'm learning that busy doesn't have to mean "bad" or "less spiritual".  Jesus seemed awfully busy to me.  The difference is that He took the time to rest and get away when it was needed and I pray I'll do the same.  I'm learning conscious awareness of God's presence even in the mundane.  Yes, I'm busy.  But God is still with me no matter what I'm doing.  I can have a conversation or listen to His voice no matter where I am.  This is old news to me but this fast is bringing this knowledge to the forefront of my mind and molding it into my everyday life, changing how I react to things and how I interact with others, changing my perspective of "the bigger picture".  I will take a break before long and perhaps then I'll have that "spiritual awakening" when it's just me and God.  No noise, no chores, no errands, no having to be somewhere 5 minutes ago.  Just me.  Just God.  For now, in the busy between times, I choose to live as just me with God.  Wherever I am.  :)

40 Days of Prayer and Fasting for Election 2012!

I don't know why I didn't think of this idea on my own.  I guess I'm not as spiritually-minded as I'd like to believe.  A friend shared this idea on facebook yesterday and asked who would like to join her.  She first heard about it while listening to a Christian radio station, so many of you may have known about it for a while now.  (I'm a little slow on the up-tick sometimes.)

I've participated in fasts before but I don't think for this long and certainly never in preparation for an election.  I'm looking forward to it, though, and this may be the start of a new tradition for every election year!

Since I just learned about this fast less than 24 hours ago, I haven't had a lot of time to think about what I would fast from.  That's the beauty of fasting, too.  It doesn't necessarily have to be food.  Denying yourself of anything you want is still a powerful learning experience and a way to deepen your relationship with God.  Every time you want that thing, it's a healthy reminder to reflect on His ways, His desires, His Word and not our own self-interests.  A time to pray and thank Him for our many blessings.

I can't realistically fast from food anyway.  I have epilepsy and not eating for long periods of time would surely send me into a convulsion.  Many of you may have similar health concerns.  So, what can we fast from?  Well, I absolutely love sweet tea and drink it nearly every day.  Even the thought of not enjoying that sweet nectar for 40 days makes me cringe.  That would be so tough for me and am I really prepared for that?  It sounds ridiculous, I know.  It is just sweet tea for cryin' out loud!

Savoring with Sara

With tear-filled eyes, my words fail me but yet I feel compelled to write.  I just finished watching Sara's funeral service by webcast.  What a beautiful tribute to a remarkable woman.  If you haven't seen her youtube clip yet, it is well worth 14 minutes of your time.  She has impacted countless lives by her love for God and her determination to serve Him.  I'm definitely one of them.

For those who haven't heard, Sara passed away in the early morning hours of August 28th.  So many of us prayed, begged, and pleaded with God to keep her here among us.  Not only for our sakes, but for the sake of her family, her husband, and especially...her children.  Two very handsome and adorable little boys.  They will probably miss her most of all.

I've mentioned before how I knew Sara.  We shared some of the same friends and so our paths would cross on occasions when we were both invited to a party, or game night, or fill-in-the-blank.  I remember her as mostly quiet, perhaps a little shy, but always, always kind.  I, on the other hand, had a tendency to talk too much and to speak without weighing my words first.  I think I had a pretty good head on my shoulders in college, but there was definitely a big dose of crazy mixed in, and I'm not talking about the "wacky, zany, so fun-to-be-around" kind of crazy (although I had a sizable dose of that too, at times).  What I'm referring to now was more like the "whoa, what is wrong with that chick?" kind of crazy.  That side of me tended to come out when I least expected it...well, honestly I never expected it.  (Who does?)  Looking back at Sara though, she always seemed emotionally stable and grounded...comfortable in her own skin.

She didn't fear death, only leaving her family behind.  And even then she knew that they would be taken care of in her absence by family and friends.  Still, mothers are unique individuals and not simply replaced.  Please continue to pray for her boys and her husband as they adjust to this new way of life.

I've learned so much from Sara.  She taught me the importance of savoring each day and each moment.  She showed me, through her battle with cancer and her untimely death, the brevity of life and how none of us are promised tomorrow.  In fact, even as I wrote this my daughter came to me wanting tickles, hugs, and kisses.  I stop now to savor those precious opportunities.  I'm still learning this new habit but I catch myself more and more often weighing everything in light of eternity.  I try to seek God's guidance on when to speak and when to keep silent, not always living up to that challenge but always being challenged by the living.

I feel a special connection to Sara even though we weren't very close.  We were in the same season of life together, the same age raising young kids, both the oldest of 3 children, both having one brother and one sister.  Also, she lost Anna and then received her cancer diagnosis a little more than a year after my brother passed away during a time when I was still fighting my way out of that valley...and her trek was just beginning.  She shares a birthday month with Matt, my brother.  She learned of her cancer on her birthday.  I learned of her cancer only a few days before my brother's would-be 30th birthday.  Sara left this earth on August 28th.  My brother left this earth in August, too.  His birthday falls on the 28th.  These dates may not be significant to anyone else but me.  I've always had a thing with numbers so the irony does not escape me.  The lessons I take away from this "coincidence" are:

1. Bad things happen to good people.  None of us are immune. 
2. We are not alone in our struggles.  We need each other.
3. God speaks to us in a variety of ways to comfort and encourage us (if only we will pay attention).
4. None of us know how many days we have on this earth and 
5. God is always present and He cares, regardless of what our circumstances may otherwise suggest.

I'm thankful for Sara and the life that she lived.  I'm thankful that she chose to share her story instead of keeping it hidden.  I'm thankful for her inspiration and will carry that with me for days, weeks, and even years to come.  Thank you, Sara, for teaching us to savor and pointing us to the Savior.  See you in heaven.  Oh!  And tell Matt I love him and look forward to seeing him again! :)

Preparation for my first 5k! Stride to Prevent Suicide 2012

Ok, I know it's been a long while since my last exercise update.  Soooo sorry about that.  I'm trying to be more consistent and jump back on the bandwagon...again!  I could rattle off a ton of lame excuses, all true but still lame...spring break, company in town, planning a birthday party, family fights the flu.  Ok, so maybe at least one of those is not so lame. ;)

Anyway, I just wanted to let all of you know that I am now training for my first 5k!  Searcy is hosting a Stride to Prevent Suicide 5k and 1 mile Fun Run/Walk.  Justin and I are going to run in honor of my brother, Matthew Austin Seabolt, who most of you know died by suicide on August 13, 2009.  If you live in this area and would like to join our team, let me know!  If you live out of town and would like to participate as a "Spirit Runner", that would be great too (It comes with a t-shirt)!  A team registration saves each individual adult $10 off the registration fee so if you're interested, get your money and registration form to me as soon as possible so I can send them all in together.  They are also having a memorial butterfly release which I'm really looking forward to watching.  Butterflies and dragonflies carry deeper personal and spiritual meaning for me now.  They comfort me when I see them because I feel a closer connection to God and Matt when one catches my eye.  My family has released butterflies in Georgia on Matt's angelversary, too, so this is another way to feel closer and more connected with them over so many miles.

What is Healthy?

I have never been in better shape than my sophomore year of high school.  I played basketball then and our coach was hard core!  We not only practiced on the court and did our fair share of running and mastering the bleachers, but we also had regular weight training...particularly in the off-season.  I mostly played on the JV team, but did get some playing time at the Varsity level too.  It's not that I was that great of an athlete.  I wasn't.  We were just a pretty young team.  (I've said before that my brother, Matt, was the athletic one in the family.  I don't think there was a sport in existence that he couldn't play...and play well.)  During the basketball season we had what was known as "Pay the Price" week.  I still have the t-shirt to prove that I survived...barely. ;)  That week was T.O.U.G.H!  There were a couple of times that I actually fell asleep at the dining room table during supper.  I remember one particular night when my face nearly fell into my mashed potatoes.  That was quite literally a lifetime ago but I was in great shape, that's for sure!

Sadie's Shadow

I had another interesting theological conversation with Sadie again today.  We went to have lunch with Justin and while walking from the car to the building, here is what happened:

Sadie: "Mohhm, God doesn't want me to be in the dark.  He wants me to be in the light."

Me:  "What are you talking about?  You are in the light." (It was another gorgeous day today!)

The Theological Threes

I had an interesting lunch conversation with my darling 3 year old today.  It started with the usual torrent of questions, only this time the questions were a bit more difficult to answer and explain.  Justin and I try to be very honest in how we answer our children's questions while also trying to maintain age appropriateness.  That's a challenging task sometimes but we feel that it's important in providing them with a sense of security, safety, and trust in us, their parents.  Our philosophy is, "Reality is your friend."  I suppose another way of saying that is, "The truth will set you free."  With that in mind, here's today's dialogue:

Sunday's Spiritual Smackdown

**Warning- this is an exceptionally long post (and coming from me, that is saying something. ;)) so feel free to break it up into bite-sized pieces if you need to or take a moment to settle in with a nice, hot cup of cocoa and plan to stay for awhile. :) )**

I cried nearly the entire time during church Sunday...both during assembly AND during class.  This is not an exaggeration.  I was really quite a mess.  I know God's hand was especially at work in my life that morning, tugging at my heartstrings.  He had a message that I desperately needed to hear.  I can say this with full confidence because I know that if we'd gone to assembly first like we usually do (Our church has 2 morning services.), and then to class, I wouldn't have been listening as intently.  I probably would have missed it.

Ankle Pain is Gain

I twisted my ankle tonight while delivering popcorn.  I knew I should have taken the sidewalk around instead of going through the courtyard...at night.  *sigh*  Anytime I have pain in my ankle, I think of my brother, Matt.  I know that sounds strange but I think you'll understand a little more after I tell you this story...

When I was a freshman at Lipscomb University, I participated in Singarama.  For those of you who are unfamiliar with Singarama, it's the Harding equivalent of Spring Sing or the Abilene Christian University equivalent of Sing Song...only better. (Sorry, HU and ACU friends.  I gotta stay true to my Alma Mater. ;) ) For those of you not familiar with any of those, it's basically a time when the majority of students on campus either choose or are assigned to a specific group, given a topic, and then write a story line with accompanying songs, choreography, props, costumes, etc.  The group performs and competes with other groups for bragging rights in front of a panel of judges and a live audience.  It's like watching 3 mini-musicals, really.  And it's SO much fun!!  If you'd like to know more, you can visit this page for a more detailed description of what this year's Singarama was like.

Anyway, you may be thinking that I twisted my ankle while performing with my group but you'd be wrong.  I actually made it through all the choreography and scene changes without injury.  So, what really happened?  We had a cast party at a skating rink after our final performance.  (Now, you're getting the picture.)  My family naturally drove up from Georgia to see the show and went skating with us afterwards, at least my high-school freshman brother did. lol  It is important to note here that my brother was a fantastic athlete and the sport really didn't matter much.  He played baseball, basketball, could ride a dirt bike and speed skate.  It's like he was fearless when it came to a competitive sport, whether he had any prior experience with it or not.  (Remind me to tell you sometime about the time he drove an ATV into the Raintree Village pond...on Christmas day!)

So, the d.j. at the rink decides it's time for some races.  He called the boys up and I see my brother on the starting line, ready to pounce!  I was pretty sure he was going to win before they even started.  Not necessarily because he was so much better than anyone else out there physically.  He was just determined.  It was written all over his face that night.  No one else stood a chance.  Know what he won?  A cute little stuffed animal.  Know who he gave it to?  Me. :D

Now picture this:  The race is over, the rink is an all-skate once again and I'm minding my own business skating around the rink at a nice, steady, comfortable pace.  It's important to note here that I was NOT as fantastic an athlete and the sport really didn't matter much.  Matt, trying to be cute, comes up behind me and grabs my arm going about mach 2 with his hair on fire.  So, guess what?  Now, I'm going mach 2 with my hair on fire except I don't have the control that he does.  After my begging, he finally lets me go but by that time we were rounding a corner and one that I just could not make.  I was going too fast.  My ankle gave out underneath me and I smacked the edge of the rink and went flying into the lobby area.  You know, the carpeted place with the little circle benches where people sit and the lockers are lined up against the wall?  Yeah, that.  I couldn't even stand up and my ankle quickly became the size of a melon.  Matt was one of the first people over there to help me.  He felt just awful.  I mean absolutely awful about the whole thing.  He just kept saying, "Aw, I'm sorry, Steph.  I'm just so sorry.  I didn't mean to.  I really didn't.  Aw man, I'm so sorry."  How could I be mad at him?  Particularly when he was truly apologetic.  It hurt.  I ain't gonna lie but then again, I was still on a rush.  That was the fastest I had ever gone around a skating rink!  Scary as you-know-where but, man!  What a thrill!  (Until the crash and burn part, of course.)

He and some other guys carried me out.  I really don't think that was entirely necessary.  I mean, I couldn't put pressure on that leg, that was for sure, but they wouldn't even let me try to stand upright.  I had to go to the doctor the next business day and he advised me to stay off that leg for at least 3 weeks.  Well, that wasn't going to work.  I was going on a choral mission trip in a matter of days.  He told me to wear crutches, then.  Like I was going on a plane and traipsing around England and Scotland on crutches??  I don't think so.  Pass.  (Yes, I'm stubborn and bull-headed.  You want to make something of it? ;) )  We settled for keeping it wrapped and putting as little pressure on it as possible...staying off my feet and elevating my leg whenever possible.  He also prescribed a pain reliever which I was happy to take.

My ankle never fully recovered from that incident.  It hasn't left a daily affliction or anything and I can still run but it has always been temperamental since then.  That accident happened nearly 16 years ago but it left a mark, probably until the end of time.  It feels sore sometimes, achy, for what seems like no reason at all.  Maybe it's a change in barometric pressure or something.  Who knows?  It still gives out on me sometimes like tonight when my step is just a little off.  The pain used to really annoy me (and still does sometimes) but I have a new appreciation for it now that Matt has gone home to be with Jesus.  Whenever my ankle starts acting up, I remember Matt and I remember that night.  I remember that exhilarating moment of going mach 2 before crashing and burning and how scary yet thrilling it was at the same time.  I remember the smile on his face and later, the concern.  I'm also reminded with every throb that one day there will be no more pain.  No death.  No sorrow.  Everything will be made new.  I'm thankful for my personal reminder of that promise.  And I'm thankful for the memory so closely tied to it.  Isn't it amazing how God can take these "accidents" and these "afflictions" and make them beautiful?  joyful?  Wow.  How does He do that?  I'm reminded of the story of Jacob wrestling with God.  I wonder what Jacob (Israel) thought about his limp after that encounter.  It was wearisome, I have no doubt, but the man wrestled with God! ...and lived!!  What a wonderful reminder of God's grace wrapped in a lesson of humility.  I'm thankful for my precious brother and the mark he left on me for life.  I'm thankful for my precious LORD and the mark He left on me for eternity.

Thoughts from Preschoolers

It's been a few days since my last post (and things are still so busy around here) but I did want to take a moment to share a morsel or two for your amusement. Our kids never cease to amaze us with some of the things they'll say. Here are just a couple recent things I remember...

Jackson (5 years old): "We live in Lake Park, GA."

Josiah (4 years old): "No. We live in Earth."

On a separate occasion:

Josiah: "We live in Earth."

Sadie (nearly 3): "No! We live in space!" (She was fairly adamant about that one.)

Josiah: "Daddy, I am 4 years old."

Daddy: "Yes, you are. How old do you think I am?"

Josiah: "Five."

Me after kids ate nearly all my Yoplait Delights: "Why do you kids keep eating all my food?"

Sadie: "Because we want to share with you."

Sadie: "Mommy, is it Christmas times?"

Josiah: "No, Sadie. It's Valentimes."

While Jackson and Daddy were outside gardening, they ran across some HUGE grubworms:

Jackson: "Ew! That scares me." "No, Daddy! Don't touch it! We don't eat them those things!"

I really need to be better about writing down the things they say. It's surprising how quickly we forget. Many times I can remember laughing so hard, but can't remember what it was they actually said. So, this is me trying to be better.

Hopefully, if you're forgetful like me and take life too seriously sometimes, this will bring a smile to your face. God gives us glimpses of heaven every day. He is in our daily mundane routine...if only we open our eyes to see Him. Thank you, Lord, for the blessing of children. They are not the "church of the future" but an integral part of the "church of the present" (And what a gift they are!). Thank you for reminding us of that. Help us remember it always and treat them as the precious "present" that You've so graciously given us. Amen.

Open your eyes today. Look for a child. Let them teach you. They are God's treasure trove masquerading in dirty little bodies with disheveled hair. So, dig in! There's wealth all around you just waiting to be claimed. All you have to do is get your hands dirty.