I have never been in better shape than my sophomore year of high school. I played basketball then and our coach was hard core! We not only practiced on the court and did our fair share of running and mastering the bleachers, but we also had regular weight training...particularly in the off-season. I mostly played on the JV team, but did get some playing time at the Varsity level too. It's not that I was that great of an athlete. I wasn't. We were just a pretty young team. (I've said before that my brother, Matt, was the athletic one in the family. I don't think there was a sport in existence that he couldn't play...and play well.) During the basketball season we had what was known as "Pay the Price" week. I still have the t-shirt to prove that I survived...barely. ;) That week was T.O.U.G.H! There were a couple of times that I actually fell asleep at the dining room table during supper. I remember one particular night when my face nearly fell into my mashed potatoes. That was quite literally a lifetime ago but I was in great shape, that's for sure!
I wasn't even at my skinniest then, though. That one came during college when I was a very comfortable size 4 and could probably have even squeaked into a size 2. At 5'9" that was definitely not a healthy size or weight, however. I didn't achieve that size due to exercise and healthy eating. No. That was due to depression. I was so depressed that food either had no taste or the thought of eating made me sick to my stomach. I remember forcing myself to drink a glass of whole milk once just so I ingested some fat. Do you hear how ridiculous that sounds?? Particularly for someone who loves milk?? I even had friends and family who suspected that I was anorexic. They didn't say anything to me about it until after I started putting on some weight and they knew I was in the clear, but at the time I don't think I ever went into a public restroom alone. Girls tend to go to the "powder room" in packs anyway so I never thought anything of it. Despite the fact that I wasn't anorexic, I'm still glad that I had friends who cared enough to keep an eye on me.
Up until getting married and having babies, I was usually pretty active (except during the depression I just mentioned). During college, I ran laps around the track on a fairly regular basis. After college, I went to kickboxing once or twice a week and there was a time when friends and I would meet nearly every Saturday and play soccer or sometimes flag football. I never really cared if I was any good at any of it. I was just having fun and if I made a fool of myself, then so be it. I mean, I survived "Pay the Price" week for cryin' out loud! If I could do that, I could do anything...or so I thought. My ego could certainly handle whatever sports and exercise threw at me. (You should have seen me on a ski trip once when I accidentally missed exiting a moving lift and ended up having to brave the black diamond. It was a sight to behold, let me tell ya!) :)
Now, minus two pounds that I recently lost (and there will be more to come!), I think I'm the heaviest that I've ever been. I'm not entirely sure, but that may even be true when including my pregnancies. Sounds sad, doesn't it? I was still battling baby weight when Matt passed away and naturally his death threw me into another depression, only this time instead of unintentionally starving myself, I overate and became pretty inactive. For the first month or two (at least), I probably wouldn't have even gotten out of bed if it weren't for my kids. There were many days when I never changed clothes and just stayed in my pajamas all day. But that's a story for another day.
What I really want to talk about right now is what I'm doing to change all that. With more experience under my belt and the benefit of hindsight, I can see that weight is not the sum total of a healthy body...or mind. I've been every size from 2 to 18 and felt my best at about a size 8. It's not about my clothing size either, though. It's about living a healthy lifestyle, not just physically but mentally and emotionally as well. I know better who I am today and who I'm not. I'm a daughter of the King. My name even means "crowned one". God loves me no matter my size or weight. He loves me where I am (just as He loves you where you are) but He's not content to leave us there. He knows what we are capable of. He knows our potential and it's far greater than we could ever imagine. He knows what happiness awaits us despite our struggles (and they are many and burdensome) if we trust Him and believe Him. I'm more comfortable in my own skin now. I'm learning to take each day as it comes. To embrace my grief but not let it consume me. To find something to be thankful for every day. I'm not pessimistic. I am an optimist and forever hopeful. I am not as naive as I once was either. This world can be cruel and heartless. There is true evil around us every day. But there is also goodness, kindness, love, and light;I need not live my life in fear...and I won't.
Now that I've said all that, I want to let you know that I've decided to share my progress towards my goal to live a more healthy life. I think it will keep me more accountable and I invite you to join me on this journey. I tend to get bored with the same exercise routine so I'll probably mix it up sometimes. This goal is about more than just exercising and losing weight, though. I'm going to think positive thoughts. I'm going to watch less t.v. I'm going to spend less time on the computer. I'm going to read my Bible every day. I'm going to turn this house into a more welcoming home. I'm going to concentrate less on what other people think of me and more on what God thinks of me. I'm going to eat healthier and practice portion control. I'm going to make a conscious effort to be the best me that I can be. Will you join me? Life is waiting and today is all we have! To quote Linguini from the movie "Ratatouille": "Let's do this thing!"
Here is my first post regarding exercise: "Exercise- Day One Charting Progress". As I chart my progress, you can click on the label "healthy living" or "fitness" to follow along.
- I'm a mother of 3 who started blogging as a way to share our many adventures and to expand beyond the everyday "mommy world". While there IS so much more to us mommies than the title, there is very little that doesn't in some way or another lead us back to or influence our children...if anything. So, I hope you enjoy following our family's randomness, because as all moms know- you can never anticipate what tomorrow will bring! Thanks for visiting and have a blessed day! :)