My First...I mean, JACKSON'S First Field Trip!

Jackson had his very first field trip last Friday to The Florida Museum of Natural History where they went to see the Butterfly Rainforest. I am pleased to report that he had a wonderful time!

I was a little nervous about sending him at first for a few reasons: 1) Parents were not allowed to come. 2) It was in Gainesville (about 1 1/2 hours drive away). 3) He had never been on a bus before (1 1/2 hours is quite a distance for a "trial run") and 4) I didn't know how he'd react to or behave in the museum. After all, it was definitely out of the daily routine.

So, I did what most concerned mothers do and set up a meeting with his teacher. She was very helpful. After speaking with her, my options were 1) he rides the bus and I follow behind. Once there, he'd be with the group and I would be on my own until it was time to leave, at which point they would release him to me, or 2) he rides with me, is counted absent for the day, and he can't participate in the exclusive group tours/talks/activities his kindergarten class would have. He would just be with me.

Initially, I planned on driving him down there and just "following" (or shadowing) one of the kindergarten groups. He'd be marked absent for the day (which still seems crazy to me if he's in the same place, doing the same things, but I digress..) but I figured that at least he wouldn't be missing anything and I'd have more peace of mind by being right there if something were to happen.  Once I realized that he would be excluded from some things that only the groups were doing and that I knew he'd enjoy, I was back to square one.  Not. knowing. what. to. do.

So, I decided to send an email to Jackson's principal who also happens to be a family friend.  I knew that he could put my mind at ease and help me figure out a solution.  I told him about my concern with putting Jackson on a school bus and that if at all possible, I'd like Jackson to be able to participate in the "exclusive" activities, with or without my presence, whichever was preferable and most beneficial.  I mentioned the attendance issue too, but was clear that if I could only win one battle, I'd like to have Jackson in those classes.  Just like Jackson's teachers, his principal was also very understanding.  After speaking with him, my new options were 1) Jackson rides the bus.  We follow.  If there is any issue, they will immediately pull over and Jackson can ride the rest of the way with me, or 2) I drive Jackson down there and he joins the group upon arrival.  He stays with the group until it is time to leave.  Since I was given EVERY assurance that they would pull over if the bus ride upset Jackson, I felt like this would be a good time for him to give it a try.

After dropping Jackson off at school, I drove around to the bus entrance and parked on the side, a safe distance behind what I assumed to be the buses for the field trip.  We (me, Sadie, and Josiah) watched as the teachers packed the lunches and coolers in the back of the bus and again as they helped the kids board.  We were parked to the left of the bus so we couldn't actually see them loading, except for their feet.  I remember seeing Jackson's feet from under the bus as he got ready to board.  I was all set to snap a picture.  I just wasn't quick enough!  Having only seen his feet, I could already tell he was excited!

Finally, our caravan began.  I kept a safe distance away from the bus but was still close enough that I could see some of the kids in the back.  I was cracking up watching them try so desperately to get a truck driver to honk for them.  I can remember doing that as a kid, too.  (Heck, I think I even tried to do that while on college trips. haha)  After what seemed like an endless number of semis, finally one honked.  You would've thought they'd won the Superbowl the way they were carrying on after that! LOL

Jackson's teacher showed me a picture she'd taken of him on the bus.  His smile was so big that you couldn't even see his eyes.  What was I worried about, right?  I bet all his teachers think I'm the most ridiculously overprotective parent they've ever seen.  If that's true, it's a great irony because I've been accused of being too "inattentive" before...more than once.  Anyway, I'm glad he enjoyed himself and had such a great time.  I'm also very glad and very grateful that I was afforded the opportunity to experience part of his journey on his VERY FIRST SCHOOL FIELD TRIP!  YAY!

What An Entertaining Day!

The kids have just been a hoot today, particularly Sadie.  There's no telling what she might say next!  I thought I better write these down while I was thinking about it and before I forget.  They are always saying funny things but today they've really outdone themselves!  If you keep up with my facebook page, you've already heard about a couple of these.  But keep reading. :)

In the car on the way back from taking Jackson to school, Sadie starts having her own conversation:

"God created everything, didn't He?"

"No, He didn't."

"Yes, He did."

"No.  He didn't."

"YES, He DID, Baby Van Gogh!!"

There is a wonderful theological message buried within her words, I'm sure, but we won't go there today.  :)

Later this morning we had to make a special trip back to the school to turn in money and a permission slip.  As we pulled under the awning (It helps to know that my son is a car-rider and Sadie is nearly always with me when we go to pick him up), Sadie asked in amazement, "Mommy!  WHERE did all the people go?!"

When we got home it was time to clean rooms.  As Sadie is picking up her toys, she finds a penny and runs to me saying, "Mommy!  Look, I found money!  Now we can save it for Disney World!"  (When I first mentioned this on facebook, I left out the part where Josiah started crying because he wanted to find money for Disney World too.  I assured him that he would have also have spending money.  Maybe I should start leaving change in random places for them to find around the house. LOL)

The following is a conversation we had at lunch (and I don't know why on earth Sadie thought of this):

Sadie: "Are you married?"

Me: "Yes.  Do you know who I'm married to?" (poor English, I know, but that's how we talk around here.)

Sadie: "Uhhh, Momma T!"  (She would be the grandmother...my mom.)

Next we went into a litany of who is married to who.  Then, 

Josiah: "Are you a mother?"

Me: "You know I am.  Whose mother am I?"

Sadie: "Uhhh, Momma T!"

  (Well, I guess that will be the right answer to something eventually.)

And this one's everyone's favorite topic of conversation (insert sarcasm):

Sadie: "Mommy, do we eat roaches?"

Me: "EWW!  NO!  GROSS!"

Josiah: "No, Sadie, because we should (meant "could") choke on them."

Finally, I'm busy in the kitchen doing a quick mop.

Sadie: "Mommy, what are you doing?"

Me: "I'm mopping."

Sadie: "What does that mean?"

(Hmm...upon reflection, this has me asking myself how often has she seen me mopping.  Obviously, not often enough.  But in my defense, I usually clean the floor by hand and rarely use an actual mop.  Still, it sounds like my housekeeping skills could use some improvement.)

Me:  "It means I'm cleaning the floor."

Sadie: (excitedly) "Mommy, I got to get bigger and older and then I can clean the floor, too!"

(You better believe that when she's old enough, I will be reminding her of THIS conversation.)

As you can see, today has been quite entertaining.  I'm looking forward to hearing whatever comes out of their mouths next.  There's really just NO WAY to know...

Reminders Everywhere I Look

Ever since Thursday it seems like thoughts of Matt have surrounded me.  Our kids' birthday parties bring him to mind because his kids are around the same age.  I think about how nice it would have been to share these parties together.  I had hoped that moving to Valdosta would mean seeing more of him and his family...by extension, OUR family.  I had visions of our kids having a closer relationship and playing together.

Then, Justin and I attended a marriage seminar at church Saturday morning.  This is a small thing but one comment that Donnie Hilliard made struck a chord with me.  He said, "Families with small children in the home whose parents have been married 3-5 years are at highest risk of divorce."  Matt had small kids.  Matt had been married a little over 3 years.  Given the reality I'm living right now, I wish he had just gotten divorced.  Atleast then I'd still have my brother here.

Saturday night I had the opportunity to see Toby Mac in concert.  It was wonderful.  What made it even more meaningful is that Toby Mac was one of my brother's favorite artists.  After hearing Mac live, it's easy to see why.  I saw so much of Matt in Toby.  Matt couldn't sing very well, of course, but the way they talked and their mannerisms favored somewhat.  Mac's music was definitely Matt's style.  I remember thinking, "If Matt were alive, I'd probably be calling him right now just to rub it in that I was here.  I might even tease him about meeting Toby in person even though I didn't."  Then I thought, "No.  It would be so much better if he was here with us.  There'd be no need to call.  He could enjoy this concert with us and it would be so much more exciting because he would just be going crazy."

I couldn't escape his memory this morning either.  I've written once before about how meaningful the song, "How Beautiful" is to me.  It's become bittersweet.  I walked down the aisle to that song right before I began a new life, arm in arm with my little brother.  How ironic, yet fitting, that we should sing it in church today when the focus of the entire weekend has been about marriage AND at a time when reminders of Matt seem to be popping up left and right.

After church, we came home and I changed before fixing lunch.  I just grabbed a pair of jeans and a t-shirt from the dresser without paying much attention.  Wouldn't you know that the shirt I picked was one I got in 1998 when I went up to Ohio to watch Matt play basketball in the USA Junior Nationals March to Madness tournament.  Every time I think of that trip, I'm reminded of Matt's shock as he took a huge gulp of his tea while we waited in a drive-thru line for the rest of our order.  In disbelief, he said in all seriousness to the cashier, "This tea is not sweet."  The look on his face was priceless.  She just paused as a smile curled up her cheek and replied, "You're not from around here, are you?"  For whatever reason, that conversation has always made me laugh.  It's another small thing, but it's a sweet memory.  No pun intended. ;)

Even though Jackson's already had his party, tomorrow is his actual birthday which means I'll be thinking of Matt again.  Jackson's birth was a significant day in his life, too.  That's the day he became an uncle for the first time.  And what a proud uncle he was.  He was so taken with him, wanting to hold him.  Standing him up to get a good look at him and make him "dance".  It was really cute and fun to watch.

My view of the world changed the day I lost my brother.  It's as if I'd been watching a 3-D movie without the glasses and then someone offered me a pair.  Everything suddenly became sharper, more vivid.  Everything has more depth now.  The only problem with this analogy is that I can't take the glasses off now.  I can't go back to viewing the world the way I once did.  I'll always miss my brother.  I'll always wonder what might have been.  I'll always wish for a different ending, an alternate reality.  Yet hope springs eternal and I know I WILL see him again.  In God's good time, I will celebrate with my precious, only brother once more.  Until then, I will cherish the memories and moments that remind me of him.  I will try to live every day to the fullest and never take another second for granted again.  That's what God intended.  And that's how I'll honor my brother's memory.

If I Could Keep You Little...

I can't believe my little one is now three years old!!  Where does the time go?  I realized a couple weeks before her birthday that she had reached the age that Jackson was when she was born.  That may not mean much to most people, but for us (and particularly me) it's a milestone.  To many it sounds ridiculous to even think about, but this is strange territory for me.  I mean, Jackson was 15 months old when Josiah was born and Josiah was 21 months old (Jackson nearly 3) when Sadie was born.  In fact, we calculated not too long ago that I had been either pregnant and/or nursing from August 2004 until April 2010.  That's nearly six years!  (I can't even imagine how Mrs. Duggar feels.)  Besides all that, age three is the time a child can legitimately be considered a "preschooler".  Toddlerhood is definitely a thing of the past.  Now do you understand why I feel like I should be taking care of another newborn?

With motherhood, I feel like I'm in my element...that this is what I was born to be.  I know I'll always be a mother, even if my children leave this earth before I do (heaven forbid!), but they won't always need me like they have and like they do now.  Don't get me wrong.  I want my kids to grow up and accomplish new things, discover new things, become responsible adults.  Still, it's bittersweet.  Sometimes you just want to freeze time, you know?  When my kids were younger, their dependence could get on my nerves sometimes and seemingly come at the most inconvenient times.  I find myself missing those days.  They still depend on me for many things, but there's much more they can do for themselves now...and that's as it should be.

My parents gave me a children's book for Christmas last year called If I Could Keep You Little... .  I read it to the kids last night before bedtime and nearly cried.  So much of it speaks to our family personally.  I thought of Jackson, our singer and kindergarten reader.  I thought of Sadie, our fashionista.  I thought of Josiah, our cuddler who also requests peculiar ways to cut his peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.  They are growing up.  They are becoming who they were meant to be.  I cherish the past, relish in the present, and look forward to the future.  May God grant me the time to witness their transformation.  May God grant me the wisdom to know when to hold on...and when to let go.

Sadie Says

Sadie picked up the crystal ring holder in my bathroom and said...
"Mommy, what's this?"
"That's the ring holder your Daddy gave me for Christmas the year he asked me to be his wife."
"He asked you to be his wife? (sounding surprised)  Is Daddy your wife, Mommy?"
"No, sweetie.  Daddy's my husband.  I'm Daddy's wife."
"Mommy, I need a husband."
"What?!"
"I just need a older husband and when I'll get bigger and then I can have a husband too."

Yes, when you're 35 years old and your Daddy finally lets you out of your room, maybe you can. ;)

Dragons, Dinosaurs, Black Cakes, and Butterflies

With a garage sale this Saturday and a birthday party to plan for Sunday, there are plenty of things I should be doing right now besides blogging.  I just couldn't keep myself from posting a quick (I hope) update on Sadie's birthday party theme.  Hopefully, you guys will have some great ideas to share.

Anyone who knows me or my husband already knows we're penny pinchers, but that is especially true now with our upcoming trip to Disney World.  So, we really want to keep this party expense down to a minimum.  With that said, we're looking for inexpensive ideas for a Butterflies and Flowers party theme.  In other words, releasing butterflies is a precious and fantastic idea but unfortunately, above budget.  Darn.  ;)

It took Sadie until the very last minute to decide.  Every time we asked her it was something different.  We've gone from a white party to a pink party to a dragon party to a purple polka-dot party to her wanting a black cake with a white dinosaur. (You can't make this stuff up, people.  Kids are just crazy.)  Needless to say, I'm glad she changed her mind about the black cake. :)

We're hosting the party at a local park so outdoor suggestions are best.  Thanks in advance for your input!

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